You wake up before your alarm to make your kids breakfast. You have a big presentation at work this morning and really need time to prepare, but you still don't ask your spouse to help cook.
At work, the presentation is not set up. It's not your job, but you get all the supplies ready anyway. Then, before you can even begin, your boss asks you to coordinate the upcoming Christmas party.
He'll do it himself, he says, but he's too busy. Of course, you agree. All this, and it's not even lunch time! Sound familiar? If so, you know how a day can go without limits. This is why setting boundaries is an essential act of self-care and kindness to others. So, let's get started,
Smart Idea 1: Setting Boundaries is an Act of Kindness
Walls, Fences, No Trespassing Signs: When you think about it, your physical environment is limited by all kinds of concrete boundaries. becomes Moreover, these limitations exist for good reason.
This prevents you from wandering into a dangerous zone. Boundaries are important for your emotional and spiritual safety. Unlike physical boundaries, however, emotional and spiritual boundaries are not laid out in a way that is clear to everyone.
This can make it difficult to set your own boundaries and recognize the boundaries of others. Even worse, enforcing your own boundaries can make you feel mean. But it shouldn't be.
When you set a boundary, you take ownership of your needs, wants, and feelings. Yet when we do this and put ourselves first, we often feel like we're neglecting others. Let's be clear:
Setting healthy boundaries doesn't mean you have no stake in other people's problems or spiritual concerns. It simply means that you are not fully responsible for them.
Remember, you are responsible for others but yourself. For example, in the workplace, you may be overly responsible, meaning you are always taking on responsibilities that are not yours.
You are motivated by the fear that a colleague's failure to finish, or their poor performance, will reflect negatively on you. If this sounds like you, take a step back, own your problems and tasks, and let others own theirs.
Smart Idea 2: Accept Your Limitations Rohit is proud of his home
And is always coming up with home decorating DIY projects and helping Pooja on weekends. This frustrates Pooja, who cannot spare time for her hobby, oil painting, as she is too busy with Rohit's projects.
In fact, Pooja could spend time oil painting, but she won't - because she refuses to own her limitations. There are limits to what we can give to our partner without compromising ourselves.
When we don't recognize and respect these boundaries, we create resentment.
Smart Idea 3: Personal boundaries are important in professional life too
Ramesh has a great reputation at work. They are a can-do, team player who always goes above and beyond - even when it means working late nights and weekends. What's good for her working life, though, is terrible for her family life.
The problem, Ramesh thinks, is that he can't just say no. Ramesh's wife, Rhea, sees it differently. Ramesh is very good at saying no. He doesn't tell his family all the time.
He is more comfortable pushing boundaries in his personal life than in his professional life. But Ramesh needs to learn that boundaries are just as important at work as they are at home.
The stress of proving ourselves trustworthy and professional causes many of us to overlook our personal boundaries at work. Finally, at the end of the day, remember to set a boundary between work and home, leaving work stress at work and domestic stress at home.
Recognize that work is infinite – there is always more to do – but your time is limited. Remember, if you can't say no to work, you're saying no to the other things that make life worth living.
When life gets out of control and relationships feel disorganized, it's often because there's a lack of boundaries. Boundaries empower us to own and resolve our problems, desires, and feelings.
They help others with their problems without burdening them, and enable us to ask for and accept help. Limits aren't just necessary; They can be a source of love and happiness in our lives.
I learned these things from Henry Cloud's book Boundaries.
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